When a child flies the nest…

We, the homo sapiens are least freedom loving, especially when our offsprings are concerned. All the creatures except human beings ( and especially of South Asia) let their children go off free and unencumbered, when they grow up. we hold unto them – some of us going so far even to claim that the children are an investment. It is crazy and Insane. It is time to understand that it is time for children to cut the cords that bind them and let them soar free unhindered and unchained. Only then would they blossom forth in full beauty of their capabilities. What is required is not to direct them, but just suggest some concepts and leave it to them- just remember they are more intelligent than you are. Just take care that when children take their first flight into the world, let them be themselves.
When children fly the nest, people sympathize with (or envy) parents, but hardly anyone focuses on the emotions of the child or young adult who has taken the first tentative flight with a mix of excitement and nervousness.
As people move into new places, leaving behind the protective cocoon of home and family, their uppermost concern would be to merge with the new environs. To be accepted as one of their peers rather than to stick out and be ridiculed! Such an occurrence is not rare nor is it something uncanny, and often verbal or non-verbal expressions of one culture may appear peculiar, or worse, ridiculous, in another! In a new culture, it takes time and application to pick up expressions, phrases, gestures and habits that do not declare you an outsider.
Admittedly today adjusting to a new culture may not be as tough as it must have been. Through movies and television, we have more than a fair idea of what to expect. Emotional succor and peer group advice too is available just a text or Skype away. Whereas earlier you would wait to step out and find a phone to make a quick call back home maybe once a week, today you are in constant touch almost through the day!
But on the other hand, there are many more fronts to interact and perform on. It is not just enough to be active on the work front; social interactions and becoming part of a ‘group’ are also pressures to deal with. And an outsider has to work that much harder to get onto a level playing field.
When your child takes his or her first tentative flight from the nest into the big, bad, but exciting world, what is the best possible advice you can dole out? Advice that covers tips for the cultural adjustment and transitioning, as well as addresses fears that your child may become a stranger to you and your ethos!
Here are a few tips I would suggest–
Be still – Observe people. Study their non-verbal as well as verbal communication. When everything around you is new and dynamic, try to keep the centre still so that you can absorb new experiences with an open mind and heart. Do not jump into situations, friendships or relationships unless you attain some degree of comfort.
Be patient – There is bound to be some kind of culture shock; be prepared for it and willing to bide your time till you understand the differences and decide which ones to adopt and where you are comfortable with your own different style. I remember when my son emigrated to Canada, he was frustrated but after a patient, long wait and struggle, he was able to achieve that is enviable.
Be aware – Do not be taken for a ride by anyone, nor go along with others just to be accepted as part of a group. Be aware of and maintain deep respect for your differences and cultural individuality. Sometimes it is better to let others respect and accept you for what you are rather than try and mold yourself according to them.
Mingle & Make Friends – Get over your initial discomfort or hesitation and mingle with as many people as you can. Ask questions, understand everything about the new place and listen to people as much as you can.
Keep engaged — Pick up a pursuit that will help soak up your free time and may also help you understand your environs better. For instance, take some city tours, join a short study course, learn a new language or visit local libraries and museums. This will help you merge in faster and also keep you from being too homesick.
Sense of humor – It is important to keep an open mind and your sense of humor alive. Initially you may make some mistakes or say things that hold a totally different meaning in the new place. Prepare to laugh at yourself and to learn with gratitude, rather than feel humiliated or small.
Remember yourself! In all this mingling and merging, remember who you are and maintain your entity and individual identity. Do not let it be submerged ion the herd spirit. Never try to be someone you are not. A good test every time faced with an ethical dilemma is to ask yourself what would you have done back home in the same situation!
And then wish them bon voyage on the road to progress, a road they have to traverse without needing to look back, a road them leads them to the destiny of their dreams and efforts, to the world and universe of their own- with no chains holding them back